Watching Jennifer Lawrence meet famous people never gets old.
*thinks about self*
So last night my mum wouldn’t let me have any sweets because she said they were all for the trick or treaters so i put this mask on and went out the back door and went around to the front and said trick or treat and she didn’t recognize me and she said “since i don’t think we’ll be getting any more tonight you can the rest of this bag my daughter will have them otherwise” and then i went back ini love myself
THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD IS WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS U CHIPS AND U REACH IN THE BAG BUT U CAN’T GET A HOLD OF A CHIP AND U START SWEATIN’ AND PEOPLE ARE STARING CUZ U CAN’T GET HOLD OF A GODDAMN CHIP AND THEN CHILDREN ARE SCREAMING AND U HEAR GUNSHOTS AND BUILDINGS START COLLAPSING BUT U STILL. CAN’T. GET. A. CHIP.
when you meet a bunch of relatives who claim to remember you
im at a hotel and the people in the room next to my room started having sex and i timed it and he only lasted for 54 seconds and i think they can hear me laughing now
UPDATE: they just banged on the wall and it only made me laugh harder because dude you can bang a wall but not your girlfriend
WHY AM I JUST NOW SEEING THIS PHOTO FOR THE FIRST TIME ITS BRILLIANT
I think this is the most romantic thing to ever happen to me